Today was awesome. Nothing drastic popped up in my life today, and playing with the classes's praying mantis was fantastic. Today has been great although it's pretty sad going home alone.
Today was ok. Lessons were as usual and I dozed of during physics like as per normal. It's beeen at least the 5th time Mr Chan told me to stop sleeping. And hey, I'm not the one on the longest hibernation mode during physics. I applaud people who can keep awake looking at the numbers the whole time.
Today sucked.

I feel like cheering. Tomorrow is finally the day EL has a coach to come over after a pretty damn long time. I'm looking forward to CCA and I don't know what the new coach would do to us. Plus I'm eager to see how our juniors improved!!
I feel pretty normal. Had to come home early to do the script and staying alone at home with a sleeping mom is boring. Nothing to do at all, and youtube is un-updated, so are all the anime I've been watching.
I feel pissed off and sad to the max. I feel very sorry for my runny and dead attitude I have presented to my friends, especially in the morning when all I did was to plug myself into my ear pieces, ignoring all your voices.


Well, at least I know how you felt about me.
Venting all your fustrations in your private world, that was good for you, especially for you, the type when you won't open up to people easily. You would need a place to shout your sorrows and direct your disoriented illusions into a realistic path. Personally, I really thought it was a brave thing to do to open up. At least after venting, you won't keep everything to yourself, and you can put more of your time doing other things you love. But it cuts so much for me to see that I'm such a person in your brains. You didn't even protray that in front of me, it's like, unbelievable. I admit I haven't been caring enough, but at least I believed I emphatised for you at any moment I can. On times you feel heartache, my tears cannot stop flowing. On times when tears flow out of sadness, my taps were guilt on top of sadness. I didn't tell you, but it dosen't mean I'm having an easy time. I'm having a hard time hiding that part of me. I don't mind if you blame me for giving you a terrible heartache, but I can only blame myself for everything. I hope there will be a day we understand each other. I may not know your true pain for I am not you. I admit I'm a jerk, and I'm terribly guilty for that. That toughness to put on the smile when I see you, trying to forget what you think of me. On one hand, I actually think I'm such an asshole. On the other hand, I can't accept it. My sad side believes I deserve such a thing for being the one starting everything. My angry side believes it's not my fault and it's unfair to be the one taking all the blame. My sad side believes I need to feel more pain than you to make up for what I did. My angry side believes I should just walk away and forget everything. My sad side thinks I need to put in more effort to emphatise and feel you out more. My angry side thinks it's worthless because it thinks you won't emphatise with me anyway. I can't be the one asking you which side of me should I listen to, neither do I have the liberty to make the choice. I'm feeling mixed the whole day. What the hell can I do now?
Asking myself what I should do. Still runing away from the problem. It's so pressing its seems unslovable, and it dreads me even to come and think of it.