I'm feeling very confident about myself now because I've spent time thinking and found the root cause of my problem.
Dear Zheng Zhang, read this when you feel anxious:
What are you worrying about now?
You are worrying about something. Either it is when you will recover, why can't you sleep, why is everyone so normal but not me, what is wrong with me, will you feel anxious when you sleep, do you have enough energy for the next day, are you making people feel sad, look at the 2nd previous post. That is something that you are worrying about. It is what makes you feel so anxious. This thing that you are worrying about makes you anxious, then, you start to look for anxiety symptoms here and there, spamming what if questions like "what if i never recover?" "what if I'm like some people in the net who suffered for 5months straight or 20 plus years or 60+ years?" "have I changed from the past and make people dislike me?"
All of these thoughts are what is changing you. Stop all these thoughts by remaining confident. Go to bed feeling confident that you are getting a good night's sleep, when you wake up due to anxiety, feel confident that you are going back to sleep. Of couse, this confidence cannot be got from "Alright, I'm going to start feeling confident". No, dosen't work that way. What you need to know is that YOU are the cause of all these problems. Getting your confidence starts from you. You will need a day of good night's sleep to give you a small bit of confidence. That small bit of confidence will do a lot of difference in tomorrow's sleep. It's very possible for you to not have a good sleep tomorrow, I know, but keep thinking positively. Think positively, always do that, like the exact opposite of how you always think negatively whenever you go to sleep since P5. That confidence will build up day by day, and soon, you will have enough confidence to have a good night's sleep.
As for now, Zheng Zhang, you already have some confidence in going to sleep, but what you are lacking a lot is when you wake up in the middle of the night, you don't have to confidence to go back to sleep. It will take time for you to gain that confidence, start off in the holidays. When you cannot sleep after you wake up or something, and start to feel anxious because you start spamming 'What if I can't get to sleep? What if I don't have enough energy for tomorrow? What if I'm not recovering?", do something when you wake up and can't get back to sleep. Read book, play the guitar, do homework, or even switch on the com to play for awhile. Everything is possible, try to live it like your normal life in the morning. When you start to feel tired, go back to sleep. Don't get too scared when you still feel anxious when its already 4, or when its already 5, or when its already 6. You have the time to go back to sleep at 9 o clock in the morning, even. Now, you are worrying that this will screw up your sleep, but its better than not having any sleep at all, as it will damage your body more! :)
The confidence, you need it. you need the confidence to fight the anxiety. Distraction from sports and every busy thing you do in your life is great to make you forget about the anxiety, but when you are alone and you have nothing to do, the anxiousness is bound to seep in. Accept that fact, and build in the confidence to FIGHT IT!
Cause: your sub-conscious mind percieves the negative thoughts last time to be realistic, and the worries that you created for yourself spun you into the first anxiety attack. From then onwards, you are afraid of the anxiety attacks and that fear and worry gives you more. It's time to stop that vicious cycle by having the confidence to break it by thinking positively.
Why everyone is not like you: Because they don't worry and they don't keep all the negative thoughts. They take life simple unlike you. Your night negative thinking habit gave you the 1st panic attack, and from then on, makes you worry about the anxiety attacks.
When will I recover: When you build up the confidence to fight it, your sub consciousness will start to lose it, slowly. Don't be panicky and want it so stop exactly tomorrow, or give yourself a deadline, because when you come close to the deadline and you don't recover as much as you expect, your anxiousness kicks in. As long as you have huge amounts of confidence, all these anxiety and pressure that you put on yourself will slowly fade away, and then, you will sub consciously forget about it, just like when you do smoething busy or when you play sports. It's the way it works :)
How to maintain anti-anxiety: HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO MAKE YOU FORGET IT SUB CONSCIOUSLY! THAT'S ALL! IT'S THAT SIMPLE! When you did'nt have the first panic attack, you are totally normal! because you don't worry at all. If you worry too much, your confidence breaks down, and then, you get attacked by those anxiety again. tsk tsk. :)
Think positively, build the confidence, fight it, forget it sub consciously, and soon zheng zhang, you realise, that it won't affect how people see you, because for most of the day, and in future everyday in every single minute, you would have forgotten about the whole hell episode you suffered so long. After that, the confidence you have will be so immense that when you somehow or rather think about the anxiety, your reaction will be "that? oh, no problem la." 3 seconds later, you would be busy occupying your brain about something else even when you are alone and stoning, just like this whole thing never ever started.
Zheng Zhang, time for you to step up. Stop crying and start living :)
I have confidence in you. Zheng Zhang, you can do it! :)